Do you think you are pretty? [Eng][中]

It doesn’t matter what your body type is, how old you are, what hair style you have, it only matters that you feel good being yourself, and you have all the right to define what being pretty means for you. Even if you can’t have the look you want, remember life is so much more than that!

I am a firm believer that inner beauty is much more important than outside beauty, but it is probably a lie to say only inner beauty matters. We all want to be pretty. When you hear the question “Do you think you are pretty?”, what would you say? 

April, do you think you are pretty? 

No.

Before the age of 25, I would definitely say no. I wouldn’t call myself ugly, but for sure not a pretty one that captures people’s attention at the first sight, just someone in between. Growing up in a very education-focused culture, and raised by parents who were not into combing my hair or buying me dresses, I didn’t care much about looking pretty. I was average looking for many years, without the desire or knowledge of wearing make up, without good fashion taste, without a distinct face or body. And I was constantly being commented on my flaws growing up: my dark skin, my chubby body, my town-boy style forced by my parents, and my signature smile that pushed up all my cheek muscles and exposed my upper gingival.

But somehow, during those days when I wasn’t a pretty girl, not being pretty wasn’t really a big deal. I was aware of my flaws and would still be a bit conscious when people joked about them, but fixing the flaws wasn’t a priority of my life. Or more accurately saying, I didn’t know that should be a priority or even an option. Having an average look never really bothered me though: I LMOLed (Laughing Madly Out Loud) as much as I wanted, loved wearing my favorite dress, chased after the popular boys and dared to confess love to their faces, did cheerleading…Even when people made fun of my teeth, I did feel embarrassed but wasn’t thinking that I should make some efforts to change it.

After I started working I gained a significant amount of weight, thanks to not knowing how to take care of myself, I still somehow, miraculously now I think, found myself cute and even sexy as I was maturing. I remembered sharing a picture of myself riding a carousel on social media, only seeing a lovely girl having fun like a child, but an old friend commented “Since when did you gain weight?”, I didn’t even bother and dismissed the comment as something ridiculous. I thought my fat was perfect and gave me some curve that I never had before.

I wouldn’t say all of that was attributed to some rocket high confidence worth praising. Honestly, sometimes I still envied those pretty girls that were always under the spotlight and seemed to have everything. But I never knew becoming pretty could be a thing if I wasn’t born or raised that way, so I just kinda lived with what I had and still had fun with it.

Yes.

However, life made an unexpected turn at the age of 25. Never have I thought this would happen, but If you asked me the same question above several months ago, I would say yes, I think I am pretty.

About two years ago, I started going to gym and eating healthy. As the stress of dealing with school and starting a career started to go away, I wanted to take better care of myself and add some structured routines to my life. After a few months of sticking with the new habits, I shedded about 20-30 pounds though losing weight wasn’t my original intention. And what came with that—a most unanticipated and unbelievable gift—was a brand new me revealed in my mirror as each day passed by: a fitter and leaner body, a slimmed down face, and a girl almost gorgeous. Everyday, I woke up and discovered tiny but pretty changes to my body. I was indifferent, coarse and unrefined for 25 years, and now I wonder how I stayed that way for all those years; how could I never try to be pretty?

Maybe at that point I still wasn’t sure I had made a pretty girl. Maybe what I saw in the mirror was just psychological. Only was I convinced when the speculation had been confirmed by the people around me over and over again. Random guys started to pick me up on street and ask for my number. The guys I dated after I lost weight always praised how pretty I was right away, while before guys mostly complimented me for my sweet and bubbly personalities. Whenever I stepped into a subway cart, I couldn’t help noticing stares from strangers. Somebody once said: “A pretty girl like you must be able to get anybody you want.” “Are you serious?” I couldn’t believe what I heard—some absurd claim that I knew only pretty girls hear all the time. But finally I was convinced, the pretty girl crown, for the first time in forever, was put into my hands.

I am not gonna lie. I loved this new title. Other than all the flattering compliments and unasked help that flooded into my life, I simply loved walking on any street like striding down a runway. Could never get tired of appreciating my lean and long legs whenever passing by a window. Clothes hidden at the bottom of the closet for years suddenly fitted my adult body again and everything effortlessly looked good on me. Being pretty really felt good.

Since then, I started to learn to wear the crown of a pretty girl, meaning stepping up the whole beauty game other than just hitting the gym and eating healthy everyday. To be a pretty girl is to learn how to find the right style and always show up in a perfect outfit, taking notes from fashion bloggers and stylish girls on street; To be a pretty girl is to do skincare religiously every morning and night, learning the difference between moisturizer, retinol cream, vitamin C serum and one thousand other lotions; To be a pretty girl is to throw away the cheap family size shampoo, upgrading to a good quality shampoo and conditioner set.

I used to not understand the motivation behind plastic surgeries and other unimaginable sacrifices for beauty, but now I do. Even though I realized being a pretty girl was hell of a full-time job, I wouldn’t go back to the old way, because life really is better being pretty.

No.

You think the story ended right there—A pretty girl now with a pretty life. It could only go up from there. But now, ask me that question again, I will say no, I don’t think I am pretty.

The initial excitement of seeing myself transform each day has faded as now the “beauty” is the new “norm”. The changes are no longer dramatic, and sometimes I even revert backwards on the supposedly upward getting-pretty trajectory: gaining some pounds back, hitting by severe skin breakout, and let’s not mention the post-pregnancy body, wrinkles, loss of ability to exercise that are waiting for me in the future. The harder I try to be pretty, the more afraid I am that I won’t be able to improve or at least maintain it. There is a fine line under my eye, then let’s try different products to make it disappear, then it triggers break out or other skin problems, which makes it worse. Having gained a few pounds? Then go more hardcore on my workout routine and diet, but it is not working so effectively or even worse causing eating disorder. Not looking pretty in some of the pictures? I would be obsessed with examining every inch of my face, the quality of my skin, the hair, the body and asked what was wrong.

Along with other life purposes like achieving career goals, enjoying relationships with family and friends, being pretty has just become another priority. But suddenly being pretty is difficult, complicated, and damaging to my mind. I no longer see myself pretty because I am so focused on fixing my flaws, the imperfections that make being perfect impossible.

The idea of constantly having to judge myself whether I am really a pretty girl or not has exhausted me, and taken away my attention from enjoying other moments of life. Wherever I am, I compare myself to the girls around me: Who is prettier? Whenever I eat too much and feel bloated at a holiday party, I even lose the interest dancing because I don’t feel pretty.

The way I see and perceive the world has also changed. Unfortunately I’ve been taught the lesson that looks do matter in life, having personally experienced it myself. The belief that I held and lived up to for years that “A girl is pretty because of her personalities” is falling apart; Now I’ve learned to see the world in the lens of judging its outside, I can no longer unsee it, and suddenly I realize most people having been wearing those lens long before I noticed. I eavesdropped on a conversation between two guys the other day. A: “So I spent about $3,000 on that girl and the relationship only lasted for two months.” B: “At least she was pretty, right?” And at a party where a bunch of guys were watching a TV show, A: “Do you think the actress is pretty?” B: “Well she has a hot body, but she has a man’s face.” And you hear girls asking their boyfriends all the time, “Between me and that female friend of yours, who is prettier?” I feel more burdened after becoming conscious and aware that everyday, everywhere, everybody, including myself, is constantly being judged by this question: “Is she pretty?”

Not Relevant.

I want to free myself from constantly having to answer this question. I don’t want to label myself as a pretty girl or not a pretty girl any more. I haven’t figured out exactly the right ways to approach beauty—to enjoy it without being trapped in it—but I am trying to get there.

Here are some ideas.

  • Reprogram our brain: Get rid of the one standard ruler for pretty; Know beauty really comes in all forms; Instead of thinking pretty, think in other adjectives: confident, fun, happy, sweet, and more.

We are so used to perceiving people and things as pretty or not, and we can call it out in an instant second without thinking because we have that one simple measuring ruler built in our brain. The answer is always straightforward: Yes or No. And we can easily compare two people against this ruler and know who is prettier. Most people probably have the same standard: structured face, big eyes, hourglass body (skinny body in some Asian countries), silky hair, but beauty should be seen like the spectrum of colors, the diversity of ecosystem. Of course there are evolutionary reasons that human brains are engineered to recognize the finest and the fittest; of course the second we see Julia Roberts we will never be able to help exclaiming: “Wow, she is so beautiful!”—but if she is the butterfly, I will proudly be the frog and see myself as beautiful as well. A world needs all colors; an ecosystem needs all species; while people may still adore perfect silky hair, I believe my natural wavy(and messy) hair has its contribution to the world of beauty.

And more than that, let’s try our best not to speak in the language of beauty all the time.

Is it possible when you see this April in the picture, “She is so chubby.” “She is so tanned.” “What is that smile?” not the first things that came to your mind? Can we appreciate the overflown happiness and the beautiful precious memories behind this picture?

Can girls stop constantly asking their boyfriends: “Between me and that girl, who is prettier?” We don’t want guys to judge us by our looks, and we don’t need compliments by bringing other girls down. Guys same to you, no need to compare your girlfriends with other girls just to flatter your loved ones.

  • Trying to look good should be fun. Only do it because you want it and you love it, not because of pressures from the others. And give up the things that bring you more pain than happiness.

Ask what you truly want and what you love. Give things a try, but don’t feel obligated to keep going for any reason if it’s not for what you want. It shouldn’t be for anybody else but yourself. If something starts to bring you more pain than happiness, even it makes you prettier, let it go. I’ve tried to wear make up daily several times because that’s what most girls do, but always ended up giving up after three days. I just didn’t have the energy to constantly check in the mirror whether my eyeliner was messed up, so even though I was sure makeup would make me prettier I still gave it up. (But do wear makeup if it makes you feel good and happy! I admire girls who can master this form of art.) I tried to starve myself to lose weight. Yea, that would probably make me prettier, but I realized the misery and the health risk really wasn’t worth it.

I love looking good and feeling good, but whatever I do for that should always be fun. I don’t ever want to become a slave of my look. Enjoy my night skincare routine because it makes me feel pampered, but I am not going to carry my numerous skin products when going on a backpacking trip; Enjoy working out because it helps tone up my body, but I am not going to drag my butt to gym if I am dying from exhaustion.

Ask yourself among all the things you do to look good, what really makes you happy? I used to like shopping, but at one point trying on something new would only make me feel pretty for a few days, then I would be in the mode looking for something more exciting only to be disappointed and tired. I realized it was more fun to explore what I already had in my closet than constantly thinking I needed to add another piece; it was more challenging to my creativity to mix and match my old clothes than simply throwing on something I just bought and get tired of it after several days.

  • Know your look is affected by many variables.

Nothing can be perfect all the time. You don’t always perform best at your job; the best athletes don’t win all the time, so allow your look to be offline sometimes too. Don’t make it a job to look good everyday. Your appearance is affected by so many variables, stress, sleep, hormones, seasonal change, and environmental change. Even if you religiously stick to your beauty routine everyday, sometimes you just won’t look your best and it is totally okay. Give yourself a break.

  • Know sometimes not looking your best is for other priorities in life.

There are other important things in life than looking good, I remind myself. I am willing to not look my best to enjoy other important things in life. I will gladly put on some extra weight to enjoy the time with my family that I don’t see so often. I will leave my hair in a messy bun and go buy groceries in pajama when I have too much work to take care of.

  • Embrace your imperfections.

Thanks to today’s consumerist culture, our journey to embrace our imperfections is ever harder. I was just paying attention to the ads on TV today, and all the marketing ideas were made to infuse a sense of insecurity into us that without perfect hair or glossy white teeth we can’t have a good day, therefore pushing products to us to fix the problems. But here is to my recent crazy skin breakout. I am showing this to the world as I tell myself imperfections are okay and I don’t allow them to bring myself down. On those breakout days, feeling-bloated days, too-late-for-makeup days, bad hair days, sweater and yoga pants days, don’t stop enjoying every moment of your life.

  • Know being happy doesn’t require looking good.

I will always remember the me before 25. True I wasn’t a pretty girl, but I had so much fun; I had many love stories to tell. When I could barely fit into those tight jeans I would still dance the night away with my belly fat shamelessly exposed. I wasn’t conscious of my look before. Now I am, but thanks to the younger me for teaching me this very important lesson of life: You don’t have to be pretty to be happy. Keep laughing, keep being goofy, keep working hard, keep believing a girl is beautiful because she is beautiful inside.

  • A pretty side is just one of the 100 sides that you can wear. Explore the other 99 other sides!

When you don’t feel pretty, just close your eyes and think about the 99 other sides you have. The you that won a competition and held the trophy on stage; The you that worked late into the night for something you cared about; The you that danced nonstop for hours at a party; The you that lived in a forest for 2 months despite of the harsh environment for a research project; The you that your parents and friends loved; A pretty side really is just one of the hundreds sides you can wear.

Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone. It’s walking into a room not having to compare yourself to anyone. ——Unknown

Ask me that question again: “April, do you think you are pretty?”

I will hopefully say, “I like being myself. I like my body, I like my face, I like everything about me. And I have so much more to offer other than my look. So I don’t think that question is anymore relevant. “


 

你觉得自己漂亮吗?

yes1

不管你的身型是什么样的,你的年龄是几岁,你的头发是长是短是直是卷曲,你都有自己定义自己美丽的权利,只有自己的感觉才最重要。即使不能改变自己的外表,生活还有许多在外表之外的乐趣和意义。

我一直相信内在美比外在美更重要,但是如果说只有内在美重要,那可能也是骗人的话。每个人都想要漂亮。如果有人问你:“你觉得自己漂亮吗”?,你会怎么回答?

史梦圻,你觉得自己漂亮吗?

screen-shot-2018-11-06-at-10-44-09-pm

No.

在25岁之前,我一定会说不。我当然也不觉得自己长得难看,但绝对没有好看到让人看一眼就觉得是漂亮女生的程度,就是长相平平的女生吧。从小到大总是以认真学习为生活的唯一重心,还有一对不让我留长发,不会给我梳辫子,也不会给我买裙子的父母,所以是不是长相漂亮的女生似乎也不是我可以做的一道选择题。即使上了大学,初步入社会,要打扮自己要变漂亮也没能成为脑子里的一个概念。一直都对化妆一知半解,没有时尚感,拖着普普通通的脸蛋和身材行走江湖。从小到大身上的缺点也没少被人嘲笑过:有点黑的皮肤,微胖的身材,龅牙,还有父母不知道是有意还是无意的总让我走的中性风,啊对,还有我笑起来脸上堆起来的两坨肉和大露的牙龈,真的一直被人问为什么会是那样。

但是,不知道为什么,那些年只是一个长相平凡女孩的我,从来也没有因为不漂亮的事情过于困扰过。我当然也会在别人嘲笑我外貌缺点的时候难免觉得难堪,但也没有想过改变那些缺陷。或者更正确地说是我不知道改变我的外貌是一个可以做的选择,是一件我作为女生应该上心的事。没有那么多要变漂亮的心思,但却拥有还算美好的青春期:总是尽情的大笑(尽管我知道会有人笑话我脸上的肉和牙),喜欢穿最喜欢的裙子(虽然是别人送的),努力追求喜欢的(虽然还有很多别的女生一起喜欢的)男生然后当面表白,还总是想要加入小学的舞蹈队高中的啦啦队。

工作以后,因为不知道怎么照顾好自己,长胖了很多。即使是那时候,现在想来简直奇迹一般,还是觉得自己可爱甚至可以走性感路线。穿比基尼,露肉,学性感热舞,都不在话下。曾经在朋友圈晒过照片,被很久没见的老同学说怎么长胖那么多,我都觉得很惊讶。我觉得照片很可爱,如果不是被朋友指出来可能都没注意到变胖的事实。身上虽然多出了的许多多余的肉我却学会了欣赏作为成熟的女性该有的曲线。

可能有人会觉得我的自信心真的高得飞出银河系,但其实不是。老实说,我也一直很羡慕学校里面那些总是男生女生都在讨论的漂亮女生,他们总是在聚光灯下,似乎拥有人生的一切。但我一直不知道,如果不是生来如此或者从小被当作公主一样抚养,变漂亮也是有可能的。所以生来是平凡的女生的我,也一直习惯那样的自己,就那样,不觉得自己漂亮但是还蛮可爱的过了那么多年。

Yes.

在25岁的时候,人生出现了没有预料的转折。从来没有想过会发生,但是在25岁之后和几个月之前,如果再问我上面那个问题,我会说,我觉得自己是漂亮的女生。

大约两年前,我开始去健身房和健康饮食。离开了校园生活的紧张和初步入职场的压力,慢慢开始想要好好照顾自己,也想要养成新的习惯填满生活。虽然减肥并不是我的初衷,但是在几个月坚持锻炼和健康饮食之后,我的体重掉了十几千克左右。我只知道减肥以后人会变瘦,穿不下的衣服又可以穿下,没想到真如网上所说减肥是一把整容手术刀,对我来说是不曾期待所以充满惊喜的礼物——每一天醒来都会在镜子里看到一个崭新的自己,每一天都会看到微小却美丽的改变在自己身上发生:越来越匀称健康的身材,从来没有过却慢慢浮现的肱二头肌,瘦下来的脸颊,几乎可以配得上是美女了?25年,我都并不在乎,粗糙的像一块石头,顽劣到被磨成玉石的可能性为零,可是突然不可能变成可能,我开始责备自己怎么放任自由那样那么多年?如果早一点变漂亮是不是人生也会有另外的篇章?

也许那个时候我还不是很确信自己真的变漂亮了,觉得镜子里看到的可能只是心理作用。但是一次次因为身边的人的态度的转变,终于自己被说服,我眼睛里看到的不是假象。大街上开始有很多的路人搭讪问我要号码。去相亲的时候总是一见面就被对方称赞漂亮;以前日久生情喜欢上我的男生总是说喜欢我的可爱和善良,没怎么提过漂亮这两个字。有的时候上了有点空的地铁,会注意到陌生人投过来的眼光,过了两个站还没有挪开。有人曾经对我说:“像你这样漂亮的女生应该什么男生都可以得到吧。“ 听到那样的话我真的有点懵,感觉电视剧里妖艳的女二号常常会听到这样的话。但是渐渐的,我开始相信,从来没有过的,第一次,漂亮女生的王冠被戴在了我的头上。

我很诚实的承认,我非常享受这个新头衔。除了生活中一下子涌进来的赞美和各种我都没有张口要的帮助,作为一个漂亮女生的自我感觉良好原来是那么愉悦。走在任何街道上都像走在T台上,忍不住每一步都自信有力,忍不住欣赏街边橱窗里自己笔直和修长的腿,忍不住感受长发在风里舞动的力道。突然衣柜里压在箱底很多年的衣服又可以不费力气的套上,比买的时候穿上还要漂亮。

从那个时候起,我开始学习如何成为一个真正的漂亮女生,这意味着不仅每天要勤奋去健身房报道好好管理饮食,还有别的方方面面比如皮肤管理着装打扮都成为了要修的学科。一个漂亮的女生总是穿着得体又时尚,我开始记笔记学习网络上的时尚博主和街上的时髦女孩的穿搭。一个漂亮的女生知道各种保湿霜,维他命c精华液,视黄醇胶原蛋白的区别,起床后入睡前都兢兢业业用一层两层三层霜把脸涂抹好。一个漂亮的女生要找到适合自己的一套好品质洗发水和护发素,终于把用了多年的2块钱家庭装苹果味洗发水丢弃了。

以前我不明白为什么有的人可以为了变漂亮整容做抽脂手术还有付出很多不为人知的血与泪,现在我完全可以明白了。以为漂亮女生都是天生的,但其实很多时候就像另一份全职工作需要用心的经营维护。但是即使多了一份操心的工作也不会想要回到过去,因为变漂亮真的让生活变的更好。

No.

也许你以为故事到那里就结束了—漂亮的女孩拥有了漂亮的生活,从此就走在花路上了。但是,最近的我,如果你再问我那个问题:“你觉得漂亮吗“? 我会否认,说不。

一开始每天都能肉眼所见的转变不再明显,每天醒来照镜子时的兴奋感渐渐淡去,刚刚毛毛虫变蝴蝶的惊喜在一段时间以后也就变成了每天飞来飞去的蝴蝶的日常。不再没有显著的变美,有的时候还在本该一直向前的变美的道路上倒退好几步:又长回了几斤肉,偶尔痘痘大爆发又像毁容一样,不要提还在未来等着我的产后发福,伴随着年老的皱纹和没法再继续跑步的一双腿。我越是努力想要变漂亮,越害怕无法在这条路上更上一个台阶或者至少保持现状。我患上了传说中的漂亮女生却缺乏安全感综合症。如果发现眼角出现了一条细纹,就会尝试各种产品土方子试图让它消失,然后因为皮肤不适应某种成分产生更让人抓狂的痘痘;突然发现自己又胖了?赶紧加码在健身房更努力的训练,把每天允许的摄入的卡路里一砍再砍,尝试新流行起来的饮食方法,然后发现一斤肉也没掉还出现饮食紊乱症的症状。如果最近的照片看上去没有很好看,就会把照片放大仔细检查脸上的每一个线条,皮肤的状况,头发,身材,要分析出是哪里掉了链子。

除了已经存在的人生的目的,比如事业顺利,享受和家人朋友在一起的时光,变漂亮变成了人生另外一个重要的奋斗目标。但是突然这个目标变得好难达成,变得好复杂,变成了我的一个心理负担。我不再在照镜子时觉得自己漂亮,因为我的眼里只看得到自己的缺陷,因为永远都无法消灭的缺陷让变漂亮变得不可能。

因为每天睡着醒着呼吸着时都在追问自己是不是漂亮的这个问题而觉得疲惫,在不断的纠结中有时甚至错过可以享受的当下的快乐。不管身处哪里,都会拿自己和周围的女生比较:我和她们相比有比较漂亮吗?如果不小心在聚会上吃多了,连跳舞的兴趣也失去了因为被食物填满的身体让我觉得很不漂亮。

渐渐的我看世界的角度也改变了。不幸的是,我通过亲身体验,被上了这一课,让我明白原来这个现实的世界里外表真的很重要。我记得小学时被班上男同学因为我的龅牙嘲笑还取外号,被班上的语文老师听见,他在上课前对全班说,“大家要知道,女孩是因为可爱而美丽的“,我很感动知道那句话是说给我听的,我一直记着,也成为了我成长过程中一直坚定不移的信条,但是现在这样的相信显得有些天真。现在我也学会了时刻检验这个世界的外表,我不知道要如何重新拥有过去我对外表总是有些无知的双眼。然后我才发现原来大部分人早在我意识到之前就已经在用同样的方式检验这个世界里的人了。有一次我偷听到俩个男生的对话。甲说:“我上次交往了一个女孩只交往了两个月,但是在她身上花了$3000。“ 乙倒吸了一口冷气,说:”至少那个女生是漂亮的吧?“ 又一次,我听到几个在看电视的男生聊天。甲说:“你觉得这个演员漂亮吗?“,乙说:”呃,身材不错,但是脸蛋像男人的“。还有你常常可以听到女生问她们的男朋友:“我跟你那个朋友相比,谁比较漂亮?” 慢慢的,我意识到每天每处每个人,包括我自己,都在无时无刻的被评判和评判他人:“她是否漂亮?”。这样的了解让我觉得负担和沮丧。

不再相关。

我想让自己解放,不再为了纠结这个问题的答案束缚自己。我不想再总是把自己标签为漂亮或者不漂亮的女生。虽然我还没有完全找到追求美丽却不被陷在其中的答案,但是那是我想要达到的目标。初步的,我有了这样一些想法。

  • 重新设计我们的大脑:放弃那一条传统的衡量美的标尺;认识到美真的以各种各样的形态存在;除了用美来形容别人,也学习用别的形容词:比如优雅,自信,有趣,开心,等等。

我们一直习惯用漂亮或者不漂亮来形容人和事情,不需要任何思考一秒钟就可以脱口而出的判断,因为我们已经习惯了使用我们大脑里单一的衡量美的标尺。答案很简单:是或不是。我们也能很轻易的用这把标尺衡量比较两个人的美貌,谁更漂亮总是显而易见。大部分人对于美的判断有着比较一致的标准:立体的脸庞,深邃的大眼,在西方国家是沙漏型身材在东方国家是纤细身材,丝绸般的光泽头发。但是我们看这个世界的美丽应该像看五颜六色的色谱图,像看物种多样的生态圈。人类天性总是能轻易辨识出最美丽最强壮的同类,因为进化论适者生存的自然法则驱使。但是当生存不是唯一的理由,我们是不是还能改变我们看世界的方式?当然我们看到朱丽叶罗伯茨的时候一定还是会忍不住惊呼:“她真的是惊为天人的美人!“—但是如果她是自然界的美丽花蝴蝶,我也会继续骄傲的做我的青蛙欣赏我光滑艳丽的皮肤。一个世界需要所有的颜色,一个生态圈需要所有的物种。当人们欣赏光滑柔顺的秀发时,我相信我的天生卷曲的(大部分时候乱七八糟无法被梳子驯服的)头发也有对这个世界万千美的定义的一点贡献。

更重要的是,我们可以努力学习不是只用美丽的语言讨论身边的人。

screen-shot-2018-10-24-at-7-57-13-am

如果看到这张照片的一瞬间,有没有可能,“她好胖好圆“,”她好黑“,”为什么笑起来那么不好看“,不是你脑海里浮现的第一句话?有没有可能我们训练我们的眼睛去看到这照片里面溢出的欢乐和背后珍贵的回忆,珍惜这些比外表更珍贵的存在?

有没有可能女生们不再一直追问她们的男朋友:“我和那个女生相比谁更好看?“我们不想让男生以我们的外表来判断我们,那我们也不需要通过贬低别的女生得来的赞扬。男生也不需要对我说我比那个女生更漂亮来哄我开心,告诉我不用和任何人相比我一直在你眼里是美丽的就足够了。

  • 打扮自己应该是充满乐趣让你觉得快乐的。只做那些你喜欢做的想做的事情,而不是因为来自外界的压力。放弃那些痛苦大于快乐的事情。

问问自己真心想要的和热爱的是什么。去尝试那些你想要尝试的,但是不要为了任何不是为了你自己而无谓坚持下去的理由。如果一件事情带来的痛苦要比快乐多,那即使它让你更漂亮,也不需要再坚持下去。我很多次试图养成每天早上不化妆不出门的习惯,但是坚持不过三天就总是放弃了,因为我知道我会到处打瞌睡还有揉眼睛,真的做不到一直看镜子里我的眼线是不是已经变成熊猫眼。所以虽然我知道化妆品一定会让我更漂亮,但是对我来说是只能放弃的负担。但是如果化妆让你觉得美丽快乐,那就继续下去,能掌握化妆这门艺术的女生也很厉害。我也为了减肥狠狠的饿过自己,饿的感觉胃的皮都在彼此摩擦。虽然我也亲身体验过减肥这把整容刀的厉害,但我知道这样的痛苦和健康风险不值得我这样对待自己,所以饿自己这样的事情也适可而止了。

我当然也爱漂亮希望看上去是自己最好的样子感觉是最好的自己,但是这应该是一个大部分快乐的过程,我不想自己成为自己外表的奴隶。我会享受每天清晨和晚上给皮肤营养和水分的护肤过程,但是在我累的只想倒在床上的时候和在外面露营的时候,那各种护肤品也可以抛在身后。我会享受健身给自己身体和头脑带来的健康和快乐的感觉,但是某个周日如果被家庭聚会排满那今天的运动就只限于在厨房里切切菜也没关系。

问问你自己,让自己变漂亮的过程中,到底什么最让自己开心?我曾经也很喜欢买衣服,但是某一天我意识到新的衣服只能让我觉得漂亮几天就失去了兴致了,然后就会陷入继续寻找让我觉得更漂亮的衣服的模式中,久而久之就陷入那样一个没有意义的循环中。但是我发现当在满衣橱的旧衣服里面找出新的搭配的时候,不仅让我觉得漂亮也因为虽然渺小但也是创新的点子感到开心。在追求漂亮的过程中,我意识到旧衣新用的过程比买了几天就厌倦的新衣服更让我快乐。

  • 认识到你的外表受很多因素的影响。

没有事情可以一直都是完美的。工作的时候不是总能给出自己最好的表现;即使是最优秀的运动员也有输掉比赛的时候,所以即使是最漂亮的人也不是每天看上去都很完美,不用把每天美丽的出现当作一份工作。你的外貌受到很多因素的影响,比如压力,睡眠,荷尔蒙,季节变化,环境变化等等。即使你一天不落的擦脸化妆弄头发减肥,也原谅自己有看上去不完美的日子,休息一下也没关系。

  • 有的时候看上去没有那么漂亮是为了人生别的重要的事情。

我提醒自己人生中还有许多除了变漂亮以外别的重要的事情。如果是因为那些事情没有看上去很漂亮也没有关系。如果是和不常见的家人聚在一起每天享受美食也没有那么多时间锻炼那长胖了几斤也心甘情愿。如果工作太忙那每天就蓬头垢面穿着睡衣加班。

  • 接受自己的不完美。

screen-shot-2018-11-22-at-6-39-00-pm多亏了现在这个社会的消费主义,为了达到能与自己的不完美和平共处的目的显得更加艰难。我最近在留心注意身边的各种广告,发现大部分的营销计划都是不断为了推销他们的产品而把我们对外表的不安全感注入我们的内心。在那些广告里,如果没有完美的头发或者洁白到闪光的牙齿,那我们就没有办法拥有美好的一天。

 

  •   记得拥有快乐不需要拥有美貌。

在翻出旧照片的过程中我才想起25岁之前的我是什么样的。我不是那个典型的漂亮女孩是事实,但是却从没有阻止我享受人生的乐趣,即使是没有拥有外貌但却还拥有许多可以讲述的爱情故事。在我长胖的时候,为了把紧身牛仔裤拉上腰费劲九牛二虎之力,还执意要穿短上衣最后腰间一团肉毫不羞耻暴露在中间,但是还是一晚上在人群里跳舞很high。那时候的我对外在美没有那么多意识,现在我对外在美有很多意识,但是谢谢年轻的我教会我人生一堂很重要的课:你不需要拥有美貌而得到快乐。像以前一样,继续肆无忌惮的大笑吧,也可以偶尔愚蠢滑稽,继续努力工作,继续相信一个女孩是因为内在美丽而美丽的。

screen-shot-2018-11-12-at-11-17-54-pm

  • 你的美丽的外表只是你所拥有的100面重的1面,探索你拥有的其他99面!

当你因为觉得不漂亮而沮丧的时候,闭上你的眼睛然后想象除了你的外表,你还拥有的那99面。曾经赢得比赛抱着奖杯站在领奖台上的你;熬夜好几个夜晚为了完成自己在乎的学习或工作的你;在派对上一直跳舞停不下来的你;住在雨林里两个月克服艰难的生存环境去完成一个研究项目的你;被你的父母和朋友爱着你的;漂亮的外表只是你拥有的100面的其中一面,所以真的,不要为了那一面纠结到心烦。

自信不是走进一个房间想着你比房间里的每一个人都要好,而是走进一个房间而不用拿你自己和任何人相比。 —匿名

如果再问我一次那个问题:“你觉得自己漂亮吗?”

我希望自己可以自信的回答,“我喜欢做我自己。喜欢我的身体,我的脸,喜欢自己身上的每一个部分。而且除了我的外表我有更多别的可以给这个世界的,所以我觉得这个问题的答案不再相关。“

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